Copyright © 2011 by Sarah Stegall
Teen Wolf
MTV, Mondays, 6PM
“Heart Monitor”
Written by Daniel Sinclair
Directed by Toby Wilkins
Warning: this review contains some spoilers. If you’d rather not know what the episode is going to include, bookmark this page and read it after viewing.
“Be a werewolf, not a teen wolf.” —Stiles
One of the most enduring stories of real-life monsters is that of the Beast of Gévaudan, a real-life story from the mountains of south-central France in the 18th century. From 1764 to 1767 (by some accounts) upwards of 200 people were attacked, killed, and partially devoured by a hairy beast described as a monster, a wolf, a werewolf, a hybrid, or even a hyena. King Louis XV sent his own chief huntsman to kill it, and he did so using, allegedly, a silver bullet. (When hunters switched from spears and arrows marked with the owner’s name to bullets; the only way to identify which hunter had killed the prey was to mark the bullet and hope the mark survived. The chief huntsman, being in royal service, used a silver bullet because it fitted his rank; thus was born [probably] the idea that only silver bullets can kill a werewolf.) The beast was stuffed, mounted, and shipped to court, where many ladies fainted at its unveiling. Unfortunately, six weeks later the attacks continued, proving that either the Beast had eluded the hunter, or that there was more than one. From Robert Louis Stevenson to modern screenwriters, the Beast (or Bête, in French) has haunted horror fiction in one form or another. It is not a well-known story, however, so I was delighted to see it surface in this week’s episode of Teen Wolf, for several reasons.
“Your ancestors killed a big wolf.” —Lydia
Tasked with a history assignment about her own family, Allison tells her aunt Kate about this cool Beast story she’s found in the family history. Scott is listening from Allison’s closet, where he hid when Kate interrupted their makeout session. He doesn’t seem as disturbed by this story as he should be: it explains why the Argents (French for silver) have French writing on their wolfbane bullets and seem to wear a lot of silver. I was expecting Allison to discover at any moment that their ancestor was the king’s huntsman, Antoine de Beauterne. I was delighted to see this much background being introduced, especially since it drew on actual written cryptozoology lore. For a moment, a veneer of academic respectability hovered over this series…
“I will be your Yoda.” —Stiles
Moment over. The focus of this episode is mostly sex, which I suppose is inevitable in any series which a) is aimed at MTV’s target audience and b) derives its appeal from the Twilight series and The Vampire Diaries. Since Derek openly admits that he’s unable to train his new padawan in the arts of lycanthropy because a) he is doesn’t know how and/or b) Scott is obsessed with sex, Stiles must fill in, using the Internet, a stolen heart monitor, and his own geeky instincts. These instincts serve him well, as Stiles launches a training regime designed to teach Scott to control his own heart rate and thereby stave off the transformation to wolfery. His lessons include making Scott a human lacrosse target, tossing him into a crowd of angry bullies, and generally getting him beat up regularly. Scott survives this by thinking of Allison, whom everyone is telling him he should avoid. Beauty (sex) is a distraction to the stern warrior nature, or so the reasoning goes. Naturally, she becomes all he can think of, which is how he ends up hiding in her closet while Allison distracts her aunt Kate with stories about French werewolves. (More proof that Stiles is the brains of this bunch: how stupid do you have to be to be sexing up the daughter of a man whom you know hunts and kills your kind? As Scott himself puts it: world-class stupid.) Stiles at least has the objectivity to finally note that the only time Scott really controls himself is when he is around Allison. So Stiles has discovered that Beauty tames the Beast. Groan.
“I’m not a bad guy.” —Jackson
More hiding: Jackson (Colton Haynes, who played a werewolf football player on The Gates) watches Stiles’ training session in bewilderment, then goes off to vomit up a black paw in the boy’s room. It seems that Derek’s claw-scratch last week has infected Jackson with something, something which is festering. This incident strains my credulity almost beyond that required of MTV: even if Derek didn’t want to go to a doctor, even if his parents and girlfriend ignored the bandage on his neck, even if his teachers paid no attention, surely his coach would have noticed that his star player is sporting a honking big bandage on his neck? I’m not sure what he’s supposed to be turning into—does a scratch make you a bad werewolf, and a bite makes you a good one like Scott? Whatever it is, it makes him more devious (and possibly smarter); he sidles up to Allison and tells her he wants to make friends. Yeah, like the wolf wanted to make friends with Red Riding Hood. Sarcasm aside, the idea of bad guy Jackson being forced to become a werewolf and possible adversary of Scott adds a little suspense—not much, but some—to an otherwise limping storyline.
“Is he one of us?” —Derek
Derek abandons his training duties to visit his uncle Peter (Ian Bohen, Prison Break), who is a wheelchair-bound vegetable after the fire that maimed him and killed the Hale family. Derek seems to suspect that the alpha he is hunting may be one of his own family, and wants to know if any of the family other than Peter survived the fire. Since the fire rendered Peter comatose, it’s hard to see how he would know this, but we already know by now that Derek is much prettier than he is smart. He demands to know if the werewolf who killed his sister is now an alpha because he killed Laura. When his uncle fails to respond, Derek storms out—just as Peter raises a finger. Which question was he answering? This brief conversation does raise two interesting possibilities: that werewolves “advance” by killing other werewolves, or that they have to kill a family member (like Navajo skinwalkers) to achieve those powers. And how appropriate it is that, instead of basing the rules for this plot point on actual werewolf lore, the writers opt for a video-game approach. Derek is at level one, and the alpha has moved up to the next level. Next week: Derek acquires allies and territory and scores points in a quest. Sorta balances out that whole brief excursion into academia.
“You can do things that nobody else can do. That means you don’t have a choice any more.” —Stiles
If I sound a little snarky, it’s because the hero of this show irritates me. If there’s a stupid move to be made, Scott will make it. Chased by the murderous Alpha? He gets to his car—and then just sits in it as the beast prowls around him, instead of running it over. Suspected by a hereditary wolf-hunter? Make time with his daughter, under his own nose. Worried everyone will see you change? Let someone lob balls at you on a public playing field. Want to summon a monster? Send out a call over the school’s PA, with no plan for what to do if he shows up. Scott is an idiot, in every possible way. As Stiles points out, it is long past time for Scott to stop pretending he can ever be a “normal” teen, and time to embrace his fate. If he doesn’t want to become Derek, fine, but he needs to smarten up, focus on the problem (controlling his change) and learn a whole heck of a lot more about werewolf history/lore/rules before venturing out of doors again. Is the alpha trying to recruit him or kill him? The one shocker we got in this episode was the ending, where it turns out the alpha may be someone very close to Scott, someone we didn’t suspect (hooray!) and who might have killed Derek (not holding my breath).
“I’m, like, the Incredible Hulk!” —Scott
There are interesting tendrils sticking out of this pudding. The introduction of the Beast of Gévaudan was inspired; the possible identity of the Alpha is intriguing, and Jackson is starting to look interesting. Stiles has regained his humor, and the previews for next week suggest we may see a teen-movie classic moment: terror in the high school hallways. If there was a way to keep Scott the Teen Wolf out of Teen Wolf, it might be even better than that.